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Adult child stuck cleaning up everyone’s mess

Dear Harlan: My parents are downsizing their home. My two older siblings live out of town. We are all adults with our own families. I’m fed up with being the one to do everything because I live here. My parents have boxes filled with my brother’s and sister’s childhood stuff. There is too much to ship and my parents can’t store the boxes in their new place. My parents have asked for my help because my siblings can’t come home. I’m so aggravated that I’ve been given this task. Why should I have to go through their stuff? I’m already helping my parents with packing and cleaning. Is there any way out of this?

— Always Helping

Dear Always Helping:  I’m guessing you are the pleaser of the family. You don’t like to upset your parents or siblings. So you do whatever it takes to keep the peace, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness and well-being. It doesn’t work. Stop it. Learn to love your family without needing to please everyone in it. Set clear boundaries. Explain to your siblings that your parents have put you in charge of their stuff. If they can’t get it, you’ll have to donate it. If there is something sentimental, they can come in for a day or make arrangements to ship it. Your new approach might surprise them. Be clear. Be concise. Give them permission to feel however they feel. You aren’t responsible for their feelings. And you certainly aren’t responsible for their childhood keepsakes.

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