Dear Harlan: I have a boyfriend who lost 75 pounds over the past year. He looks like a completely different person. I never asked him to lose the weight. I loved him the way he was before this dramatic change. I’m now finding myself dealing with jealousy. I’ve never been a jealous person. He is getting a lot of attention from other women. He has assured me that I have nothing to worry about. Nothing has changed. I don’t like this version of me. How do I deal with these new feelings? I find that I want to push away from him before he leaves me. I should be so happy for him and his new habits. Am I a terrible person?
— Heavy Feelings
Dear Heavy Feelings: You are not terrible. You’re just scared that he might want to explore his options now that he’s getting all this positive attention. He’s no longer the pleasantly plump guy you fell for. He’s now got a body to match that personality and charm. But don’t spend too much time worrying about this. He’s always had options. He chooses to be with you. Staying together has always been a choice. Instead of focusing on his weight loss, focus on why this is so threatening. Use this as an opportunity to deal with the real problem. You don’t think you’re good enough. You’re scared he will leave you. You need to love yourself more. Work on you. Figure out what you need to do in order to love you more. His weight loss is showing you that you need to work gaining more self-confidence. You might realize that you’ve only dated men who attract less attention because you have always struggled with your own self-worth. Let this push you to be the best version of you. Work to love yourself as much as he loves you.