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How to Spot a Man Who Wants to Fool You, Use You, and Discard You


Dear Harlan,

I have a history of being used by men. I’m getting to a place in my life where I’m thinking about dating again. Are there any telltale signs to know if a guy is putting on a front and lying to you just to fool around with you sexually? I don’t want to get hurt again. – Healed

Dear Healed,

Horny men looking to use you are impatient. Guys who discard women don’t like to wait around for sex. They don’t like to have long conversations about feelings. They don’t like to go for long walks and end the day with a hug. They aren’t fans of meeting your family (especially a father who works for law enforcement). They don’t like to share holidays. They hate listening (while clothed and sober). They don’t like to move at your pace. They don’t like to listen when you say “No.” They don’t want to wait. In general, men who want to fool around with you and dump you don’t want to date you very long without having sex. The way to protect yourself is to go slow. Get emotionally naked before getting physically naked. Talk a lot (while sober). Listen a lot. Hang out during daylight hours. Get to know him, his friends and his family. Get to know what he wants after the sex. Find out how he’s treated women in the past. Time plus talking equals trust. And trust is what makes sex safer and intimate.

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