Dear Harlan: I’ve been in only two relationships throughout my whole life, and they both cheated on me. What did I do wrong to cause them to cheat? Because of this I’ve shut myself off to finding anyone. Please help me understand why this happens. I’m not afraid of being rejected, but I am afraid of being abused again. I want to find a serious relationship with a man. — Still Bruised
Dear Still Bruised: What did YOU do wrong? You didn’t cheat. You didn’t intentionally betray and hurt people. The cheater is responsible for his cheating. You’re responsible for becoming stronger, better, and more confident. This means understanding your role and his. Instead of beating yourself up, work on healing. Instead of hating him, give him permission to be flawed. Focus on you — not anyone else. Stop the cycle of abuse by learning to love yourself and surrounding yourself with people who can help you move forward. Start by finding professional support. Then, upgrade and find someone you can trust and love. He’s out there waiting.