Dear Harlan: I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than three months and things are going extremely well for the both of us — we make each other very happy and never get tired of each other. However, I snapped at his roommate the other night because I am getting tired of her. They’ve been best friends since middle school, and I completely understand her presence, but she is obnoxious and invasive. I have extreme personal space issues, and she has gone out of her way in the past to make sure that my space is invaded by touching me or approaching me when I have specifically asked her multiple times not to do so. When my boyfriend and I are cuddling on the couch and watching TV, she makes it a point to sit so close to us that I can feel her breathing on my neck. Recently, my frustration finally bubbled over. She was mocking me in front of her friends and my boyfriend while we were watching a movie and said something along the lines of, “She just never likes to have fun.” I then shouted (I cringe when I think about it), “Excuse me, I do like to have fun — but never with you around!” My boyfriend and I left the house and went for a walk, and I explained my feelings to him. Although he doesn’t completely understand my frustration, he suggested we stay away from his place for a while and instead set up camp at mine – Really Annoyed
Dear Annoyed: You’re going to lose. You’re the one creating problems. Be the bigger person and smother her with kindness, or just ignore her. You don’t want this guy to have to take sides. I suggest you give this girl permission to be the jealous friend who has always wanted something you have. You got him. She has to look at you with him on her couch. You’ve taken his time and emotional energy from her. He doesn’t see the problem. Stop being the problem.
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