Dear Harlan: I think I’m a really cool girl, but it seems like every guy I’m into doesn’t want a relationship at all – they always say that I’m everything they want in a girl, but for “later in life.” When is this going to stop? – Too Cool
Dear Too Cool: When every guy is the problem, you’re the problem. Here’s what’s happening: You’re not meeting the right guys, so you’re making sweeping generalizations. Cool? It’s much easier to blame everyone else than to look at yourself and be more vulnerable. Excuses keep you safe. Right? Want to pick the right man? Find a new approach. Meet guys in different places at different times doing different things. For example, if you’re meeting guys at parties on weekends, try to meet guys while doing something athletic during daylight hours (while sober). Can’t find someone using this approach? Look online. Read about what a man wants before he tells you he doesn’t want you. If that doesn’t work, keep trying. There are men who want what you want – you just need to change your approach.