Rejected? It's rarely about you

Dear Harlan: You recently printed a letter from a reader who told you she was going to quit reading your column because it’s no longer a “fit.” She had a problem with you discussing sex before marriage. First of all, who cares about this concern? Second of all, why even comment or say anything to you? I read all the columns in my newspaper, and while I might not always agree with the advice, I try appreciating other people’s point of view.– Open-Minded

Dear Open-Minded: I’m sure she’s still reading. People who threaten to quit my column are the most loyal readers. I really appreciated that letter. See, I’ve been rejected my entire life. The first 20 years of rejection, I thought it was all about me. I took it all very personally. The second 20 years, I realized that rejection is more about the people trying to hurt me. I might play a role, but it’s usually a supporting one. When someone calls me names, insults me, flips me the bird, threatens me, and puts me down, it’s more about them. Reasonable, self-aware, thoughtful, intelligent and kind-hearted people don’t attack and tear other people down to lift themselves up. Only people in terrible pain do that. I’m cool being an outspoken honest well-intentioned distraction from the real issues bothering these people.

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