Dear Harlan: I’ve been in love with my best friend for eight years. I’ve struggled with this for years. I’ve thought about telling him how I feel about him, but I am afraid this will ruin the friendship. He has recently broken up with his girlfriend of three years. I want to tell him. I need to. How long should I wait until I say something to him? I want to be sensitive. I also don’t want to be a rebound relationship. I’m in my 20s and I’m tired of keeping secrets.
Dear Telling: You’ve waited eight years. Wait a little longer. I can’t give you a date and time. It’s more about his state of mind post-breakup. He’s going to need to look inside himself. You want him to be in a place where he loves himself and knows what he wants. He might want to date other people. He might want to date no one. He might want his ex back. He might want you. Get a sense of what he wants before you tell him what you want. Then share your feelings without conditions. Meaning, he doesn’t need to want what you want. You just want to offer the truth and see if there is a chance to be more than friends.