Dear Harlan: My daughter is an 18-year-old freshman. She just finished her first week of classes. She is on antidepressants for depression and anxiety. I tell you this because she posted a photo on Instagram (she doesn’t know that I know how to use Instagram) that says, “My mom wouldn’t be proud of me.” Her eyes look closed but … not. I know she went to a birthday party last night. My gut says maybe she tried pot or alcohol. What should I do?
— Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned Mom: Here’s the deal — you don’t really know what did or didn’t happen. The most important thing is that she has people in her corner she can talk to in case she does something she regrets or that makes her uncomfortable. Considering her history of depression and anxiety, it’s a good idea for her to have a therapist she checks in with on a regular basis. You can’t control what she does or doesn’t do, but you can help her have resources and make it safe for her talk to you without judgment. This can mean asking her how she is staying safe and what kind of choices other students are making. Finally, I’d make sure she knows how her meds interact with drugs and alcohol. You can offer this as “info you should know,” not “because I saw this.” Oh, and I’d be careful mentioning the Instagram post. You don’t want her to cut you off.
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