Dear Harlan: I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never even kissed a boy. I’m going to college in the fall and want to meet someone. I get embarrassed that I have so little experience. I’m worried that being in a place with a hookup culture, it will be hard to get to know someone and make this comfortable. What would a guy think if I’m so inexperienced? How can I make this not so weird for me?
Dear Worried: No one is good at anything the first time. There isn’t a unit in school or a kissing class in college. Please do not worry about how you kiss. You just need to find someone to kiss who is going to make it safe to practice. My first girlfriend had to teach me how to kiss. The first kiss was good. The second kiss was a disaster. That’s when she held my face, brought me close to her lips, and taught me how to kiss her. It’s what made me trust and love her even more. This is intimacy. Intimacy is when you can get something wrong and still be loved. This is what you should look to build. Don’t be in such a hurry to kiss. Lots of boys will want to kiss you. Go for the ones who want to talk to you. Find the ones who want to get to know you while sober. Meet the ones who make it easy for you to be you.