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Friend Regrets Living with Bestie in College Before Moving In

Dear Harlan: I’m going to college in the fall and I made a big mistake. I decided to ask one of my best friends to be my roommate. I know you suggested not to do this. I can already tell that this is going to be a bad decision. She has a very exact way she wants everything to be. She is already making plans for us. I want to hang out with her, but I also want to branch out. I want to get out of this situation. School is starting in five weeks, so this would mean forcing her to live with a stranger if I dropped this truth bomb. I have a bad feeling that we are going to have problems. I’m already annoyed and we haven’t even started packing. How can I back out of this and not have her hate me for it? But then I start thinking that if she’s going to hate me, I might as well just live with her and see what happens. What should I do?

— Roommate Regrets

Dear Roommate Regrets:  Before dropping any truth bombs, contact the housing office and find out what options are available. Changing roommates at this stage might mean living in a different building or putting her in an uncomfortable situation. Once you understand your options, ask if you can have an honest conversation with her. If you can’t have an honest conversation now, don’t expect to have one in the future. Share what’s bothering you. Make it all about you and what you want the first year in college to be. Feel free to throw me under the bus and make it about me too. Discuss specifics that worry you. Practice sharing what’s making you uncomfortable at home. The conversation will either give you a way out of this living arrangement or help you get along.

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