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Good Guy Blames the Jerks

Dear Harlan: Most women I meet are still affected by their ex-boyfriend in some way. Either they are still hurt by him or still thinking about him all the time, etc. This makes it hard for them to open up. It usually results with them not wanting to go on another date after the first or second one. How do I deal with this? What can I do in the future? All of these jerks are making it hard to find intimacy for the good guys in the future.

— Looking for Love

Dear Looking:  Instead of blaming ALL the jerks, focus on you. What can you do differently? For example, stop dating women who have been hurt. Find a woman who did the dumping. Look for women who haven’t been in relationships. Figure out what you can do to get what you want. Here’s another idea — reconnect with some of the women who didn’t want a third date. Ask them to share why they didn’t want to continue dating. You might discover it had nothing to do with you or a fear of getting hurt again. You also might learn that you lacked patience or wanted too much too soon. Women who are hurt need to be careful. And that takes a man who is comfortable, confident and willing to go at a pace that allows a woman to safely open up over time. Instead of blaming all these jerks, change how you date and continue to be a good guy.

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