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Dating is About Getting to Know Yourself

Dear Harlan: There is a guy who has been interested in me for a while. He texts me, asks me to get food with him, and asks me to smoke weed and get drunk with him. We have hung out one or two times as friends. He asked me to a date-night party, and I said “yes” because I always wanted to go to a date night. We end up drinking a little and making out. This was three days ago, and he texted me yesterday asking me to go to coffee and dessert. I don’t know what to do now. I like him as a friend. I have fun when we hang out, but I just don’t know if I like him as anything more than that. I’m willing to give him a chance, but I don’t want to lead him on and then hurt him. A couple years ago, I had a really awkward relationship with a guy whom I liked as a friend, but wasn’t sure if I could like him as anything more. I ended it after a month because every time I hung out with him felt like a chore, and I felt awkward and uncomfortable every time I was with him. After that, I promised myself I would never date someone that I wasn’t attracted to, but here I am again. Please help me. I feel like there is an endless cycle of guys who like me whom I’m not attracted to, and yet the guys I am attracted to don’t like me back. Please be brutally honest. — Truth Seeker

Dear Truth Seeker:  Brutally honest? First, he might not want to date you. Second, don’t get drunk and high with guys you barely know. That scares me. Third, dating is about getting to know yourself as much as it’s about getting to know other people. It’s not a commitment. It’s not leading anyone on. Go on a coffee date. Stay sober and see how it feels. Then, go on more dates. Date hot guys, and date not-so-hot guys. Make sure that dating is the actual problem and not a fear of commitment. If you still can’t find a man, the problem might be more about why you have a hard time opening up. Be brutally honest with yourself, and you’ll find answers.

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