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Secrets Ruin Relationships

Dear Harlan: My girlfriend and I are dating secretly because her parents don’t want her to date anyone. She has had several bad relationships. Her parents don’t want her to date for at least three years, but we really love each other. My parents are fine with me dating her, but her parents don’t know. What should I do? What do you think of this? — Dating in Secret

Dear Dating in Secret:  Secrets start off small, and then grow bigger. Eventually, they get out of control – and that’s when they destroy relationships. Having a healthy relationship is hard enough, even without keeping secrets. Managing secrets takes too much work. There’s just too much to control that can’t be controlled. Secrets lead to lies: You can’t go out to certain places in public; you have to tell a story and remember all the details; you have to watch what’s posted on social media. And then there’s the fact that your parents and other people are involved, and they may share what is happening. There is just too much going on. I don’t know how old you are, but I assume you are at an age where your parents have some say in what you do and how you do it. The best way to stay safe is to hit the pause button. Date her when she’s in a place where you can build a relationship based on honesty and trust. Date her when you don’t need to keep secrets.

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