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Grandma Roasts Chestnuts and Loved Ones

Dear Harlan: My grandmother always brings up my weight when we get together for holidays. She has no filter. She says whatever comes to mind. This happened again over Thanksgiving. I’ve struggled with my weight for my entire life. She knows how much it bothers me, but continues to keep hurting my feelings. I’ve respectfully asked her not to ask me about this, but she doesn’t listen. I will see her again during the holidays. What should I do? I’m already dreading the upcoming holidays.

— Grandma Problem

Dear Grandma Problem:  Grandma roasts a ham and the guests. No, it’s not nice. You can lose the weight, but you’ll never lose your grandma’s unsolicited advice. Even if she stops with the weight comments, she’ll find some other way to get under your skin. She wants a reaction. She will never stop giving you her opinion. Don’t try to manage her. Manage your reactions. Acknowledge her comments and move on. You can talk to her again about it, if you want, but that will just give her a bigger reaction. She likes the attention. The best approach is to love yourself even more. This can mean changing what you don’t love or loving what you can’t change. When you love yourself, stupid comments from family members roll off your back. When you are balanced, happy and healthy, you can enjoy the best qualities of flawed people. Instead of feeling attacked, you can look past this part of her personality and love what she can offer. Or you can scrap all this advice, avoid her and head to Vegas over the holidays!

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