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Surprise snacks scare friend with benefits

Chocolate cookies tied a red ribbon. Gift on a wooden background. Christmas background with copy space. Cooking cookies.

Dear Harlan: My “friend with benefits” delivered a box full of snacks to my door today, and I’ve been freaking out ever since. Why am I afraid of commitment? How do I get over it? – Afraid

Dear Afraid: Snacks are not a commitment. Snacks are a “thank you for hooking up with me.” Dinner and a date is a real commitment. The only way to get over it is to be willing and able to get hurt. Yes, be willing to get hurt. Committing isn’t a problem; it’s when the commitment ends that’s the problem. Think about the times in your life when you’ve gotten hurt. Think about why it hurt. Think about what would be different next time around. What can you do to create a life where you will always be OK — even after a commitment ends? The hardest part of love isn’t the love — it’s the breakup. This is where you need to go on a personal journey of discovery.

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