Dear Harlan,I’m 21 and I’ve never had a relationship or sex. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. Can this be normal? I feel like I’m missing something that everyone else knows about. What should I do about this? – Still Single
Dear Still Single, Are you on any online dating sites? Do you ask friends and family to set you up? Do you approach people you find attractive? Do you go to singles’ events? Are you willing to be vulnerable? Do you say what you think? Do you act on your feelings? The answer probably is “no” to most of these questions. I know. If you wanted to find someone, you could find someone. You’re either putting up walls or you aren’t putting yourself in the right places. Dating works like this – if you’re in a room long enough, you will meet someone. But you have to talk, express your feelings and make it easy for people to engage you. This means opening yourself up and letting people in. The problem isn’t everyone else. It’s that you most likely don’t feel good enough to take the risks needed to find a connection. Once you know you are attractive, interesting and worth knowing, it will be easy to find someone. What’s missing isn’t someone by your side. It’s the belief that you are worthy and deserving. Work on believing you are interesting, attractive and worth dating, and you’ll find what you’re missing.
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