Dear Harlan: I was dating a guy for nine months, and for most of that time, he was away in the military. His parents and I grew close while he was gone. Long story short, the guy and I didn’t work out, but his parents want to maintain contact, go to dinner, etc. I kindly told them that since their son and I are no longer talking, it is not OK for us to have such a relationship. His mother told me Christmas Eve that she feels sorry for him because he doesn’t know what he lost. I said he is a grown man and left their house. How do I get closure?– Not Closed
Dear Not Closed: Closure isn’t a place. It’s a new path. It’s an unexpected route to another destination, a much better one. Think of it as lane closure on a fast-moving highway. It’s surprising, aggravating, slow, frustrating and annoying — but then you break free. Closure is rarely clean. It’s upsetting, confusing and takes faith to get where you want to go. Do you have faith? Do you believe you are going to a better place? If the answer is no — you will get stuck. Getting stuck and standing still doesn’t help you find closure. The answer is to ALWAYS keep moving — even if it’s a slow go. One way to keep moving is to give people permission to not give you want you want. Respect their feelings, take the experiences and make them part of a bigger plan that will lead to a better place. Then, keep moving. Recognize that you always have options. There are thousands of men who will want to love you and appreciate you. Put yourself in places with people who are looking to move forward in love and life. Surround yourself with people who share your passions, interests and love of life. Find new friends who keep moving. Give men access to attractive, interesting and busy you. Use online dating, get set up and hang out with new friends and travel in new circles. Then, keep moving. Explore your options. If moving is too hard or you find yourself stalling, find a therapist who can ride with you and help you move forward. Look back, but not for too long. Focus your energy in front of you. Remember, closure isn’t about clean endings. It’s about a new path to get what you want. Keep it moving and you will find closure.