Dear Harlan, I read your column every week. You have a heart for people who write to you. I don’t doubt your sincerity. But your advice to those dating in today’s world lacks credibility, and it is even dangerous because you embrace the cultural norm that sex outside marriage is not wrong and harms no one. All the evidence is contrary. STDs are at an all-time high. Thousands upon thousands of single women in our country are having abortions every year. The mothers who choose life for their unborn children are in for a very hard time. More than 40 percent of all children born in the country are born to mothers out of wedlock. Assistance at the federal and state levels barely makes a dent in providing them with the basic necessities of life. The sexual revolution has not freed women, but has made us even more objectified by men. Prior to the 1960s, society frowned upon premarital sex. This was great protection for women. Pressure was put upon men to respect women while dating, to get married, to grow up and be responsible members of society. The research proves that marriage makes men out of boys. Promiscuity ruins women’s lives. You are in a position to give good advice or keep perpetuating the lie that sex outside of marriage is not wrong and harms no one. – Jan
Dear Jan, You setting me up? I can’t tell women what to do. Women do NOT like it when a man tells them what to do, especially when it has to do with their bodies. The minute you tell people to stop having sex is the moment they go out and have it. It works the same when you pressure people to get married. In fact, your letter actually is going to cause people to have sex more and stay single longer. Please don’t target me. I advocate responsible, honest, clear-minded, smart, safe choices in alignment with people’s values. If it’s sex before marriage, then people should use birth control, get tested for STDs and do it for the right reasons. Consent is always a must. As for most of your facts, they fall short. Teen pregnancy is at a record low, abortion rates are the lowest since 1973 and divorce rates are down. Yes, fewer people are getting married and more are choosing to have children out of wedlock, but we can’t assume it’s going to lead to the downfall of women. A lot of single women make a conscious choice to be single parents. These women have a support system in place other than relying on the government. I’m betting a lot of these unwed parents don’t want to get married because they fear becoming the dysfunctional parents they knew as children – their own parents who married too young, stayed married too long or should have never gotten married at all. I don’t want to live in the ’50s. I don’t want my daughter living in a culture with a ’50s mindset. I want her to grow up to become a woman who demands respect, commands respect, loves herself, respects others and makes strong choices. Whatever my daughter chooses to do with her body when she’s a legal adult will be her decision – not yours or mine. We can’t control what people do inside the bedroom. We can only help them feel loved, supported and encouraged outside of it. I appreciate your note. I’m sure a lot of people will agree with you. I’m just not one of them.
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