Dear Harlan: I had my first one-night stand the other night. I’m not sure what’s supposed to happen next. What is the proper etiquette after a one-night stand? (Hug goodbye, leave when sleeping, text him first later?) What should happen the next day? – Polite and Proper
Dear Polite and Proper: Rookie mistake. The next day expect questions (Huh? Whah? Did that just happen?), shock (I can’t believe I did that!), and fear (Wait, why does it burn when I pee?). There is no proper etiquette after a one night stand. The only rules are clear consent before and during the sex (“Can we have sex?” “Do you have a condom?” “Yes! More! For the love uvvvvv…”) and empty promises after the sex (“Text you later” — yeah, right). If you want to know what’s going to happen the next day, DON’T HAVE A ONE-NIGHT STAND. But, if you do want another, create your own rules. Think about all of the questions you’re asking and get answers before getting naked. Ask what will happen after the sex (hug, fast exit, text)? Tell her what you want to happen. If you want a goodbye hug, make your partner commit to a hug before leaving (you might want to get that hug before the sex, just in case he forgets in his urgency to run back home to his real girlfriend). No matter what you do, make sure your sex partner has a working cell phone number and legal name (first and last). This way you can call if your fears turn into a sexually transmitted infection or pregnancy scare.