Dear Harlan, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half. I go to school two hours away from him. I started college last fall, and we got through it. The new school year started, and I still want to be with him, but I don’t know if I’m in love with him as much as I used to be. I adore him, he’s my best friend and he’s always there for me. When I’m away, I just feel lost. Then I go back home and see him, and everything is fine. I don’t know if feeling lost is my way of trying to readjust to being away from him or not wanting to deal with anyone or anything. I don’t know what to do. Please help. – Lost
Dear Lost, You don’t have a life that belongs to you. It’s all about “us” (you and your boyfriend). You need a life. But it scares you to create one. It will mean being around other men and not being as present in his life. I get it. But this isn’t working. Do him and your relationship a favor: Pick a direction and take a step. I’m not telling you to break up; I’m suggesting that you break away. Put yourself in two new places, doing things you love to do without him or his approval. Surround yourself with people you find interesting. Don’t feel bad about doing it. Create a life on campus that keeps you on campus. Get a job. Join a sorority. Run for an elected position. Don’t live for weekends with him. Create a new life for yourself. If you grow closer — perfect. If you grow apart, you’ll know that it wasn’t a perfect relationship. I know it’s scary, but this is part of growing up. Grow up, and see if you grow apart.