Dear Harlan: My wife and I are expecting our first child in the next few months. My wife believes that I’m not excited to tell people about the pregnancy. Thus far, I’ve been supportive through many efforts, giving up strenuous exercise because she can’t elevate her heart rate over 140, giving up drinking, cleaning the house, doing laundry and making meals so she can sleep later. I’m fine with doing those things (well, not the exercise part). I’ve bought clothes, participated in doctor’s appointments and am refinishing old furniture in order to repurpose it for our nursery. My question is: How can I show her that I’m there for her emotionally and excited for our baby, and to tell others soon? I’m definitely excited, but not really sure the best way to show her. – Expecting Dad
Dear Expecting: Listen, man, you’ve got to start taking care of yourself. Take your heart rate up to 150 and get that dopamine flowing. Go out with the guys once in a while. Make sure you fill your tank while being attentive to your wife’s needs. If you’re not balanced, you’re going to be an awful partner. When you neglect your own self-care, you can’t take care of other people. One day, you will realize you’ve lost yourself. It’s all about balance. Right now, you have none. And honestly, it’s not going to get much better once the baby is born. As for showing your emotions the right way, there is no right way. Explain how you feel about the baby and give your wife permission to feel however she feels. Ask her what you can do to support her and be there for her. She might have other ideas. In the meantime, surprise her with a note explaining how you feel about her and the future. Get her flowers. Give her a foot rub. Plan a date night (but not a lot of walking). Find a pregnancy book and read a page a night with her. But make sure you start taking care of yourself. Finding balance will help you support her better. You’re an amazing, loving and emotionally invested partner. She’s lucky to have you.
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