Dear Harlan: I wanted to give you my two cents about virgins. I agree that “Still a Virgin,” who wrote to you in a recent column, needs some help in order to learn how to trust men, but I think she should be proud of the fact that she is a virgin. There are many men who want to marry a virgin rather than someone who has been sleeping around. I have a wonderful daughter-in-law who was a virgin when she married my son at 39. They have raised two children who have good morals and are contributing to our society. Don’t put anyone down for being a virgin. It is God’s plan for humanity that both the man and woman be virgins when they marry. – Joan
Hi Joan: I hear you, Joan. Really, anyone can find sex. You can ask for it, pay for it (legally) or put yourself in a room with desperate people looking for it. Sex is available for all. The idea of waiting is very attractive. “Still a Virgin” is desirable and dateable. I was speaking at a college the other day, and a woman asked me if men will be turned off because she’s a virgin. I explained that men looking for sex might be — but that’s fine. They can have sex with someone else or by themselves. Being a virgin can be exciting and interesting. Not having sex means getting to know someone before having sex. It also means discovering if someone wants to date you or just have sex with you. Time filters out the users and abusers. Being a virgin can be empowering. She came up to me after the event and thanked me. She said it made her feel much more comfortable — it just seems like everyone is having sex. We live in a world where everyone thinks sex is just what you do — but not having sex also is something to do. Virgins should be loud, proud and comfortable sharing the truth and themselves with the right partner.
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