Dear Harlan: I am 18 and going into my freshman year at a private university with about 3,000 students. I graduated with fewer than 100 students in my class, and I was not open about being gay. Going into college I am concerned about making friends, but I don’t want to hide who I am. I am living in an apartment on campus with nine other guys, and I am concerned about that because of my sexuality. On top of all of this, I am overly shy when around a lot of new people, and I’m entering an awkward situation. I feel like I am going to hate my freshman year and want to switch schools, but I also have high expectations at the same time. I really do not know how to feel going into this school year. I know joining clubs will help, and I am going to do that while in the honors program. Am I concerned and worried for nothing? — Anxious
Dear Anxious: You should absolutely be worried. And so should the 800-or-so incoming first year students. They aren’t worried about you. They’re worried about navigating the biggest transition of their lives. They need to manage feeling shy, scared, awkward, broke, homesick, and passing classes. The need to focus on making new friends, balancing life, and making the transition to life in college. Take comfort in being connected to hundreds of concerned classmates on campus and millions of students around the world. Instead of focusing on all that will go wrong, find the people who can support you during this time of transition. That’s all. Reach out to the LGBTQ group on campus. Find allies (staff, students or professionals who are LGTBQ-friendly). Ask a counselor on campus to direct you. Approach your resident advisor and orientation leader. Share your worries and concerns with people who have been worried and concerned before you and have answers. Once you find support on campus, you’ll know when and how to share your secrets.
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