Dear Harlan: Our daughter was wait-listed by an in-state college. We were going to send her to an out-of-state college, until last week. We received word that she was accepted to the in-state college. Needless to say, her dad and I are very relieved to pay in-state tuition. It took four very unpleasant days to convince her that this was a good thing, but she has reluctantly agreed to attend. Any words of wisdom? – Relieved
Dear Relieved: Your daughter’s head must be spinning. She was all set to go out-of-state. Now she’s going somewhere else. It’s enough to make her want to throw up. It’s only the most unstable and dramatic transition of her life. Here’s the wisdom – acknowledge that she should be upset. Don’t jump to, “It’s going to be great…” Instead, empathize, sympathize, and give her permission to feel whatever she’s feeling – even if her emotions make you feel awful (that’s the hardest part). In a week or two, encourage her to find her three places and five people on her new campus. Places (activities, organization, life outside the classroom) will give her somewhere to go and things to do. People will give her support and direction. With the right people and best places, she will have an amazing college experience wherever she lands in the fall.
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