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Thirty-Year-Old Truly Good Man Seeks Chick That Clicks

Man at home sitting in front of tv setHey Harlan: I just turned 30, bought a townhouse a few months ago, own a car and work full time at a place I love. I have one of the strongest groups of friends ever, and I am happy. I want to get back into the dating game again, but I never seem to be able to find a date who “clicks” with me. I’ve dated friends of friends, tried online dating, meet-ups, etc, and still nothing. I try to be the best man that I can be. I’m kind, caring, goofy, geeky, adventurous and honest. Still, with all those qualities, I cannot find a good woman whom I can treat right while she treats me well. I try talking to women, but I always become (in their words) “too much of a friend” or just not enough. I am happy with the man I have become after a long journey, but what can I do to attract the right woman for me? Harlan, I truly am a good man and a nice guy, and yet I still need a little help. – Truly Good

Dear Truly Good: You are the complete package — the house, job, car, personality and friends, but you’re missing something. And it’s not the right woman. It’s not clickin’ because I’m guessing you’re not giving women the very best stuff, the deeply personal vulnerable stuff you only share with an intimate partner. My hunch is that you got hurt and you’re guarded. You want it to be safe to open up, but the women you’re dating have also been hurt – they’re just as guarded.  Be the one to go first. Let these women possibly hurt you. That’s how you’ll find love. Throw yourself into dating with a different attitude. Share intimate parts of your life that you’ve never shared before. Start slowly and share a little more with each subsequent date. Be vulnerable. Let them inside. The more you open up, the more they will open up. And that’s when it will click like it’s never clicked before.

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