Dear Harlan: I’m 23, and I’ve been engaged for six months. I’ve been dating my fiance since high school. He is my first boyfriend. I recently met a man at work who makes me feel all the things I wish I could feel with my fiance. I look forward to seeing and interacting with this man. I get butterflies when he’s around. I think about him all the time. I would never cheat, but this really makes me question my relationship. The experience has brought on a flood of new emotions. I’m having doubts. Not just jitters – actual doubts. Everyone tells me that it is normal to have doubts, but this doesn’t feel normal. The thought of ending this relationship make me physically ill, but getting married feels wrong. I need help. — Engaged
Dear Daughter: Guess what? You don’t have to marry someone you don’t want to marry. This is the first rule of staying married. I’m not saying that you need to run away from your fiance and go for the office dude; I’m simply suggesting that you listen to your gut. The scariest part of listening to your gut is that you could end up single – and you don’t know how to be single. Slow things down. Postpone the wedding. Talk to your spiritual leader, go to premartial counseling and ask yourself brutally honest questions. You owe it to yourself and to your fiance. If your fiance is open and willing to go down this path, you will either end up married or understand why you’re not married. Either way, there will be a happy ending.
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