Dear Harlan, As a girl with major trust issues due to past relationships, how do I know if someone is being genuine? What can I do to protect myself from getting screwed over again by another guy? — Trust
Dear Trust, Here’s how love works: We fall in love. We get hurt. We fall in love again. We get hurt again. In between falling in love and getting hurt, some people do the work to tolerate the hurt and love again; others don’t. You didn’t do the stuff between the love and the hurt that enables you to trust again. That’s why you have trust issues. I had trust issues. I stopped trusting. Then I worked on me. I surrounded myself with different people. I found places where I could do things I loved. I changed the dynamics in my life so I could be happy without being in love. You need to work to become a strong, independent and comfortable woman who can handle whatever happens next. Men will come and men will go, but you need to do the work on yourself. In order to trust men, you have to trust that no matter who comes and goes, you will be OK. When you approach relationships from a place of strength, abundance and faith, you can be vulnerable and build a deep connection. You can ask questions, set boundaries and open up. When you approach a relationship from a place of fear, scarcity and suspicion, you put up walls. You live your life waiting for the pain — it’s not fun. To get to a better place, work to create a life that fills you up. Find people who fill your world with light. Find places where you can find community and connection. Become a passionate, healthier and happier version of you. When you have people, places and passion, you can trust again.
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