Dear Harlan: Not to go into too much detail, but throughout most of my life, my mother brought not-so-desirable men into my home, starting with my father. So now I feel like I am just not meant to have good men in my life. I feel like they do not exist, even though I see them with other female friends in happy, healthy relationships. To make matters worse, somehow I live my life wishing I would find that one Prince Charming and live happily ever after. “It will happen someday” – that’s what everyone says, right? However, I’m a 38-year-old virgin who has never had a boyfriend. I’ve had loads of crushes, but those crushes always seemed to choose other people. Now I am wondering if I will ever find anyone, and when I do, what will he think when he finds out I am still a virgin? So I guess my question is, Is it still possible to find a lasting, stable relationship with a guy even if you’re a 38-year-old virgin? – Still a Virgin
Dear Still a Virgin: Sex is about trust. You can’t trust men. That’s why you’re a virgin. You’ve never been able to trust men. It’s been happening your entire life. As a result, you’ve closed yourself off to all of them. You’re not hard to get — you’re impossible to get. So when you talk to your therapist (and you need one to help you move forward), mention that you’ve never been able to trust a man. As a result, you’re a virgin who can’t date or get close to men. Once you learn how to trust men, you can date and build a loving relationship with the right man. Oh, and no, the right one won’t care that you’re a virgin.
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