Dear Harlan: I am extremely introverted and while not shy, my social skills are lacking. I have trouble making friends and I usually end up making a total dunce out of myself. I had a pretty good friend named “Roy.” Roy was a lazy freeloader who didn’t have a driver’s license and didn’t want to do anything except play video games (he’s in his mid-20s). I put up with this because he was my friend (and I like video games, too). About two years ago, toward the end of a really rough semester, combined with a horrible week when I was dosed with medication because I was ill, I did something completely out of character. I ripped him on Facebook. This started a fight with his family (who still hate me) and a whole other mess. It has been about two years now, and I haven’t heard from him. Unfortunately, I miss him. I really know I shouldn’t. I don’t know if I’m just lonely — despite my best efforts to make more friends since then — or what. I’m not sure if it’s him I miss, or just having a friend who was around often — even if he wasn’t a good one. I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s driving me nuts because it hurts. I was just hoping you would have some sort of answer besides “make more friends,” which doesn’t seem to be working. – Lonely
Dear Lonely: Something is off. When you can’t connect with friends and have never been able to connect, it’s a bigger issue. You need an evaluation from a mental-health professional who specializes in social disorders. You might confuse social cues, have a hard time with non-verbal communication or have a problem filtering what to say and what not say. Get evaluated, find answers, then find more friends.
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