Dear Harlan: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We’ve been living together for a while now, and he has changed. At first he was affectionate and clingy, now he hardly wants to spend any time with me. He says I smother him when I barely even give him attention. Our roommates have noticed he has been cold with me. He won’t talk to me. He just shuts down on me. I don’t know what to do anymore. – Barely Together
Dear Barely Together: Your boyfriend says you smother him. You say you don’t. I say you’re not listening. HE FEELS SMOTHERED! When he tells you how he feels, you want him to feel and tell you something else. That can cause a man to shut down. Do yourself a favor and pick up the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
This book helped me understand myself and my wife so much better. It should be required reading for all couples. Chapman’s approach will help you understand how to connect with your boyfriend in his love language and help him to understand you and your love language. If your man is more interested in shutting you out than working things out, it’s time to move on and move out.