Dear Harlan: My ex and I were dating for about two years, and we moved in together a few months ago. She is my first and only (so far) serious relationship. We both recently started changing a lot, and we thought that at the end of the school year, we should go our separate ways. Once we decided to split up, we still were living together for about two weeks, and those were the worst two weeks of my life. She would be out with guys every night doing who knows what – it was so much easier for her to move on. We used to be so crazy about each other. We were supposed to get married and everything. We both used to be so happy. The truth is that I miss her. She moved five hours away, and I am now living in the same house with my best friend. This house just feels like an empty shell. What was once filled with memories of us is now so much different without her living here. I miss her smile, her kisses, her hugs and everything else. I also miss all of our crazy adventures. It almost feels like she died, but worse. We went from being crazy about each other to absolutely nothing. It’s taken everything in my power to not text her or call her, and that has only happened once. I’ve been really sad the past few days since she’s moved out. Do you know of a better way to cope with this? I am so miserable and I want her back, but I know that won’t happen. I’m going to live on the East Coast for seven months, and she’s going to go to beauty school and do her own thing. Am I wrong for feeling this down and dejected about everything? – Grieving
Dear Grieving: I want to hug you, man. Breaking up sucks. I felt this same pain. Thanks for showing the world that a man can be vulnerable, get hurt and still respect women. You’re feeling it. You’re talking about it. You’re working through it. It’s grieving because it’s a devastating loss. There’s denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Continue to feel it all. Avoid hating, blaming or trying to convince her to change. Over time, you’ll begin to create a life where you can do things you love to do without her. Until then, talk about it, think about it, write about it, work out, go out, try new things out, cry, celebrate, create, cope and grow. It will get better – you just need to feel it all. Feeling it is healing it.