Hey Harlan: Ever since I was in high school, I’ve been attracted to other males. I am now a 20-year-old who has never spoken about it to anyone, simply because I don’t know how, or what to say. The problem is, I am only physically attracted to males. I’ve attempted to imagine a dating relationship with other males or even a long-term partnership, but the thought just doesn’t appeal to me beyond the sexual aspect. Oddly enough, I’ve had crushes on girls. I’ve sat up all night thinking about a woman I’m interested in, become a rambling mess whenever speaking to a girl, and even have been kissed by a girl and enjoyed it. However, I don’t know if that extends into sexual attraction. I’m certain that it isn’t a denial thing, because my friends and family are very supportive, and I’d be OK if, at the end of the day, being gay was something I identified with. However, I just don’t, and I don’t know where to go from here.– Questioning
Dear Questioning: Where are your gay friends? You need lots and lots of gay friends. You need gay friends who are out and gay friends who are in the closet. You need gay friends who have dated women and gay friends who exclusively date men. You need young gay friends and old gay friends. You need gay friends with loving families and gay friends with families who just don’t get it. You need gay friends you can talk to online and gay friends you can talk to face to face. Got it? The reason you need to have more gay in your life is so that you can ask questions, find support and get comfortable in your skin. Whether you’re straight, gay, bi-, transgender, questioning or something yet to be discovered, you’ll be OK. And while you’re at it, find a therapist. The best news is that you have so many options and lots of time to figure it out. Explore. See what feels right, and point yourself in the direction that feels right for you.
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